Afternoons with Mario and Luigi
by TJBambi93
Summary: It all starts out with Mario drinking tea, and it all goes down hill from there. This is a series of short stories full of randomness, and does not make much sense. Read at your own risk. RATED M for death scenes.
1. My TV Set Grew Legs!

This is a story that makes no sense whatsoever, and I think your brains will blow up after this. Read at your own risk. :D

– – – – –

_**An Afternoon with Mario and Luigi**_

Our favorite plumber was leaning on his chair, sipping tea. He also had a newspaper in front of him. How can he be holding both things at once? You ask yourself that.

A bigger question would be; what color is this plumber?

If you said green, close this window, and go beat yourselves up! We're talking about Mario, the red plumber! Luigi is the green plumber, and eh, he gets second fiddle.

"Hey!" yelled Luigi, looking at the ceiling, "I heard that!"

If you haven't noticed, that is Luigi, the green plumber. He's cranky right now, so let's leave him be.

"You know I can hear you right?" muttered Luigi.

Mario glared over at him, "Luigi, would you mind not talking to yourself? It's really distracting me from the headlines."

The headlines read: "Bowser Defeated Yet Again! Did The Red Plumber Do It Right?". Gee, I wonder what THAT article was about...

Luigi glared back at Mario, "But bro, I heard the narrator!"

"Hearing voices again Luigi," tsked Mario, "What am I going to do with you?"

Luigi threw a refrigerator at Mario, knocking him off his chair, "Shut up!"

Crushed under the refrigerator, Mario weakly raised his arm up from the ground, "Point taken."

"Wait! There's more!" smiled Luigi, pulling a flute from out of his hat, "Watch this!"

Luigi played a tune on his flute. A little song I guess you would call it. Out of no where, the door of the refrigerator opened up, and a snake slithered out of it. No... wait a minute...

"This is Snake... I'm done here." said the 'snake'. Luigi growled. He pulled out a rocket launcher, and started firing rockets one by one without warning.

"**I DON'T REMEMBER PROGRAMING THAT THING TO DO THAT!**" screeched Luigi.

– – – – –

Meanwhile a married couple was taking a walk near their house. They heard explosions coming from inside.

"What's going on over there honey?" asked the wife.

"Probably some typical video game. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say Mario." chuckled the husband.

– – – – –

Back inside...

"HAH! Beat you again!" laughed Luigi. Ironically enough, he and Mario were playing, what else, Mario. Mario sat right next to him, charred and flattened through all the chaos Luigi caused.

"Cheater." muttered Mario.

"What's the matter, 'Paper' Mario?" joked Luigi, "Is the game too _3D_ for you?"

Mario grabbed the TV, and smashed it on top of Luigi.

"No, it's too _G.O_., _Game Over_, bro." chuckled Mario.

Just then, the TV turned on. Luigi was on the screen in a suit. He was apparently giving a news report.

"_Hello, welcome to ROX News 37. I'm Luigi your host. Today has been quite a violet day for Mario the Red Plumber. Today he smashed his TV on his own brother! You all know who I'm talking about! Luigi the Green Plumber!"_

A little caption appeared at the bottom saying: '_Not related to Luigi the Newsman_'.

Mario rolled his eyes, "As if THAT'S big news. What should be bigger is Luigi's rocket launching and refrigerator-throwing."

Mario crossed his arms, smirking with approval. Just then the TV grew long black legs.

"This will be the last time you see me," said a sinister voice, "WHAAHAHAH!"

On that AHAH, the TV took off running.

Mario stood up from his seat, ran over to his closet, and changed into his 'hero clothes', which were basically the same kind of clothes he's currently wearing. Mario then grabbed his cape, and flew off into the distance.

"Super Mario, Super Mario, does whatever Super Mario does." sung Mario, not realizing that he had terrible singing.

– – – – –

At the Nintendo writing board...

"Can Charles Martinet sing?" asked a writer.

Miyamoto thought about it. He pulled out a tape from his mouth.

"Here's his American Idol audition tape." said Miyamoto.

Miyamoto pulled out a TV and VCR from his coat pocket, and placed the tape inside.

"You might want to cover your ears." warned Miyamoto.

The tape began playing, and ear rape commenced.

"_**!** Was that good enough?" asked Charles._

_Simon Cowell, now a skeleton, raised up a '0 + Middle Finger' card._

Miyamoto paused the tape, "Reactions?"

No response.

"Wonderful!" smiled Miyamoto.

– – – – –

Mario kept his eyes on the moving TV set. He soon landed on the ground when he saw the TV set run into, get this, a store where they sell TV sets.

"Hmm, should be easy enough," smirked Mario, "I mean, the set has 2 long black legs, so it should be easy to find!"

Coincidently, the store sold TV sets with long black legs. They were just ones that didn't have a mind of their own.

Mario ran through the store, and saw the moving TV set.

"Ahah! Gotcha!" smirked Mario, as he began shooting fireballs at the set. The fireball missed, and hit a TV set behind it.

"Oops," chuckled Mario, as he threw another fireball. Again, it missed, and hit another TV set.

Mario sweat dropped, "This is gonna take awhile."

_**400 FIREBALLS AND 2 HOURS LATER...**_

The whole store was set aflame. Customers were running out, and burglars were sneaking in stealing TV sets.

The store owner cornered Mario, "You destroyed my store, so you must pay a dear price."

The store owner gave Mario a bill of $1140000.

"Uhhhhh." groaned Mario as he passed out.

– – – – –

Meanwhile, the TV set got away from all the chaos. The legs disappeared as it set itself on the ground. The glass on the front broke when a shift kick in the rear was given to Luigi.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" shrieked Luigi.

A Yoshi's head poked out of the TV set for a slight moment, and then went back inside.

The TV set stood back up, and ran off laughing, "WAHAHAHAHA!"

Luigi's head span in circles until...

– – – – –

"LUIGI!" snapped Mario.

"Wuh-what?" awoke Luigi, clearly sleeping.

"It's your turn dude," giggled Daisy, "On Mario Party 10. You fell asleep again!"

Luigi chuckled nervously, "Again?"

Luigi rolled the die, and got an 8.

"So bro, what were you dreaming about?" asked Mario.

Luigi glanced over at Mario; his glance cold as ice.

"I was having that... that dream again..." he muttered.

They continued playing for several minutes, without another word being said. Then out of the bloom, Waluigi said, "You gotta lay off the mushrooms Luigi."

More silence.

"I know."

– – – – –

Yeah. Not funny. Go read another story please. :D?


	2. My Brother Fed Me Tape!

As you can see, I changed the title to 'Afternoons with Mario and Luigi', as I decided to start a small random series. Read at your own risk.

– – – – –

It was yet another beautiful day at the Mario Brothers house. Birds were singing, and the sun was shining bright beams of light onto the surface outside the house.

Wario and Waluigi, two of the Mario Brothers rivals, came by the house to steal something. You know, like they usually do.

"Wahahaha!" laughed Wario, "What shall we steal today my brother?"

Waluigi laughed in sync with him, "I think we shall ste- wait a minute. Brother?"

Wario turned to him and nodded, "Yeah, I mean... it all makes sense."

"But... how is that even possible..." wondered Waluigi.

Both Wario and Waluigi literally put on their thinking caps on. Both hats looked similar to the ones they usually wear, but with a 'thinking' label on them.

– – – – –

Meanwhile, inside the house, Mario was not wearing his usual clothing. He instead had on a blue robe, red scarf, and held a pipe in his right hand. In the other hand was a book, 'How to cook for Koopas'.

There was also a camera in front of him. Luigi was behind it, and snapped his fingers.

"Voila!" smiled Luigi, and with that '-la', the camera began recording.

Mario noticed it filming, and smirked, "Oh, hello, didn't hear you come in. Greetings and welcome to Ask That Guy with the 'Stache."

Luigi held up a title card that he just completed a second ago. It read, 'Ask That Guy'.

Just then the telephone rang. Luigi's arm grew a yard longer in order to reach the phone.

"Hello?" asked Luigi.

Luigi listened to the man on the phone for a minute, and then Luigi handed it off to Mario.

"Phones for you," muttered Luigi, "Like it ALWAYS is."

Mario took the phone from Luigi's lanky arm, and spoke into it, "Hello?"

"_I'll see you in court._" said the voice, and then a dial tone rang.

Mario shrugged at the comment left by the stranger, and gave the phone back to Luigi. Luigi threw the phone back over to it's stand, and it landed perfectly.

"Booyah!" cheered Luigi, "I'm so awesome!"

_'So awesome!'_ said a couple of female goombas outside.

Mario sweat dropped, "Anyway, let's get on with this show."

– – – – –

_**5 HOURS LATER...**_

– – – – –

Luigi was shivering, "You were pretty scary Mario, acting the way you did."

"Hey, it's for publicity. They will come to realize that I'm not just a badass super hero." smirked Mario.

"How about a cola, good sir?" asked Luigi.

Mario thought about it, "Hmm..."

He paced the room back and forth as Luigi watched.

Mario contemplated things in his head, wondering this or that.

Then he said, "Nah. Make it a Scotch on the Rocks. But don't do what you did last time!"

– FLASH BACK! –

Mario was taped to a couple of rocks.

"Ok Luigi, at first this was funny," sighed Mario, "But don't you think you can take this scotch tape off now?"

Just then a large cheep cheep came by.

Mario got nervous, "Heh heh... want my credit card?"

The cheep cheep slowly shifted his face into a troll face.

"Oh no." muttered Mario.

– END FLASH BACK! –

"I was never the same again." said Mario.

"Is that why you never ate fish again?" wondered Luigi.

Mario shrugged, "Probably. Is the scotch ready?"

Luigi gave Mario his drink, "Here you go! Fresh and ready to drink!"

Mario had his eyes closed as he poured the 'scotch' into his mouth. He gagged almost immediately.

"WTFBBQOMG!" shrieked Mario. He looked into the cup, and saw old used pieces of scotch tape.

Mario glared at Luigi, "You are a dead man Luigi. A dead man."

Luigi giggled nervously as Mario picked up a phone.

– – – – –

Back outdoors, Wario and Waluigi were STILL outside.

"So, like," said Waluigi, "They just think we're brothers because I always show up next to you."

Wario nodded, "Sounds right to me."

Waluigi was calculating things in his head, "We need a DNA test."

"Fine," sighed Wario, "We'll come by tomorrow."

But then Waluigi stopped him from moving.

"What is it?" asked Wario.

Waluigi pulled two metal detectors out of his overalls, "We're not leaving empty handed Wario! How about we dig for treasure outside their house?"

Wario grabbed one, "Perfect idea skinny!"

– – – – –

_**3 HOURS LATER**_

– – – – –

"HOLY CRAP!" shrieked Wario.

Waluigi ran over to where Wario was, and he saw not 1, not 2, not 3, but **4** treasure chests.

"O...M...F...G..." said Waluigi, quoting Jack Donaghy.

Wario's eyes turned into dollar signs, but then frowned, "Why does that happen?" He flicked at his eyes, and they reverted back to normal.

"Whahahaha! This is perfect Wario!" smirked Waluigi, "Now we can move out of that Yoshi Village, and move into the big leagues!"

Wario pulled out a whistle, and blew into it.

4 baby Yoshis appeared out of nowhere, and lined up in front of Wario.

"Yes Master Wario?" they said in unison.

"Take these treasure chests back home. I'll pay you nothing." smiled Wario.

Waluigi struggled to pull each chest from the ground up. He was very surprised to see that when he placed a chest on a Yoshi's back, it didn't flinch nor struggle.

"But... their babies!" stuttered Waluigi, "How can they take that much weight?"

"Pah!" snorted Wario, "I've seen them carry the Sears Tower before, it's no big surprise."

Once they got each chest on a Yoshi, the Yoshis ran back home to place them inside Wario and Waluigi's pad.

"Now what?" wondered Waluigi.

Wario pulled out a script, "According to this... Mario gets a small scene now."

Waluigi leaned back on the house, "Nice... a break."

– – – – –

Back inside...

Mario was eating a green frosted cupcake.

"Mmmmm." said Mario, "This is a tasty cupcake! Who knew a pony could make something like this."

There was a pink pony in the same room as Mario. Luigi was no where to be found.

"I know right? I mean really, people just LOVE calling me to let me bake them cupcakes! I think that should be my job now!" said the pink pony in little breaths.

"Wish Luigi could be here right now, enjoying these cupcakes." smirked Mario.

"Well Mario," smiled the pony, "There's always a little Luigi in all of us!" She ate a full cupcake in one bite.

"I guess your right Pinkie Pie." smiled Mario, nuzzling the pony.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Mario walked over to it.

"Hello?" answered Mario.

At the front door was a tall man, wearing similar clothes to what Mario wore at the beginning of the chapter.

"Ready to go to court?" said the man.

Mario fainted.

– – – – –

Yay. Enjoy this chapter? I hope you did. Yes.


	3. My Pony Killed My Brother's Rival!

The third episode/chapter to Afternoons with Mario & Luigi. Enjoy the randomness!

– – – – –

It was yet another afternoon here at the Mario Brot- Wait, wait. WAIT A MINUTE! Another afternoon? Are you kidding me? Why can't we have a MORNING or a NIGHT?

DOES IT HAVE TO BE AFTERNOON?

Oh well, might as well accept it. I am getting paid to narrate the story anyway.

So anyway, as I was saying, it was yet another afternoon here at the Mario Brothers house. Mario and Luigi were inside having tea. Luigi had half of his body in a body cast. It took him a minute to realize the situation he was in.

"Wait a minute!" yelled Luigi, "How am I still alive!"

"Whua?" said an uninterested Mario. Luigi threw one of his gloves at him. It bounced right off him like a basketball. Weird huh?

"Don't you remember! W-w-wasn't I baked into a cup-" stuttered Luigi.

"Luigi, my brother," soothed Mario, "Nothing in this story will be consistent. Hell, you have 2 more lives left."

Luigi looked over his head, and saw 2 hearts above it, "Wonder how that's possible." he questioned.

Just then, Pinkie Pie poked her head out from under Mario's cap, "Don't worry Luigi! Your fine! You DID make a nice cupcake!"

"Back in the hat, Pinkie." scolded Mario. Pinkie whimpered, and crawled back inside Mario's cap.

Mario chuckled, "Silly pony."

"Just how long do I have to suffer this pain?" complained Luigi.

"Right now." stated Mario. He then snapped his fingers, and just like that, Luigi was back to normal.

"How'd you do that?" asked Luigi, confused as hell.

Mario chuckled, ignoring Luigi.

Luigi rolled his eyes as he walked over to the refrigerator.

When he opened the fridge door, Solid Snake poked his head out.

"Wassup?" greeted Snake.

Luigi gasped like a little girl, and slammed the fridge door shut, flattening Snake's neck, but not decapitating him.

Snake glared at Luigi, "You made a powerful enemy today my friend." Snake's head somehow slipped back into the fridge.

Luigi nervously opened the fridge door again, but Snake didn't poke his head out again. To be honest, Snake wasn't even IN the refrigerator anymore.

Luigi scratched his head, muttering, "Mario logic..." He proceeded to check the fridge for a snack. He found nothing of interest.

"Yo Mario," called Luigi, "We're out of pudding!"

At this moment, Pinkie Pie poked her head out from under Mario's cap.

"Oh Luigi~!" called Pinkie, "I've been meaning to tell you. I've been setting up traps in order to gain food."

Luigi was confused, "How?"

Pinkie Pie looked out the window to see if anyone was coming. Her eyes took notice of a tall purple figure, walking right towards the window.

"Ooh! Ooh! Watch this guys!" giggled Pinkie Pie. She then pulled out a remote control out from under Mario's cap. Mario looked up at her.

"Just what are you putting in my cap?" he asked.

Pinkie Pie lifted Mario's cap off his head, showing a mini-laboratory.

Mario's expression tensed, "If I die a horrible death because of you, your joining me in hell."

Pinkie Pie smiled brightly, "Okie-dokie!"

– – – – –

As described by Pinkie Pie, the 'tall purple figure' was looking around for something.

I think we're gonna give him the name 'Waluigi'.

"Wahahaha!" laughed Waluigi, addressing the narrator, "That's me alright!"

I wonder what he's looking for?

"I'm looking for Wario's wallet," explained Waluigi, "It must of fallen out of his pocket when we were here the other day digging up gold."

Waluigi got on all fours, and started feeling through the long tall grass.

"Dang, don't they ever cut the grass?" wondered Waluigi to himself.

– – – – –

Back inside, Pinkie pressed the button on her remote control. Outdoors, some revving noises were heard.

Waluigi looked up at the object above his head.

"Ooooh, Jesus Chr-" was all he had time to say.

The object turned out to be a 50-megaton boulder that was set up by Pinkie Pie to catch food. But it was originally meant for wildlife and all, not humans.

Red liquid splattered all over the windows. Luigi cringed at the sight of his rival being crushed. Mario took no notice.

"Don't worry Luigi," soothed Mario, "He'll be fine in the next chapter."

"W-w-w-wait a m-m-m-minute!" stammered Luigi, "Wasn't that trap supposed to be for wildlife?"

Pinkie Pie nodded, "Uh-huh."

"Then why did you kill Waluigi?" asked Luigi, "I mean granted he IS kind of an animal."

"Wait," said Pinkie, noticing something, "That was Waluigi? I thought it was an elk!"

Luigi facepalmed as Pinkie Pie jumped out of Mario's cap, and went outside to collect the remains of Waluigi.

"Dinner will soon be served!" said a cheerful Pinkie Pie.

– – – – –

After feasting a nice delicious meal of Walu-steak, Mario began cleaning the dishes.

"Ahh." smiled Mario, "Time for good ol' Mario to have a scene to himself."

He grabbed a sponge that resembled a goomba, and began scrubbing away at the dishes.

Back at the dinner table, Luigi was still cringing.

"I can't believe I ate my own rival..." he said in disbelief.

Pinkie Pie giggled, "Oh, silly! How else will you be able to survive without food? I mean, DUH!"

"True..." sighed Luigi, spitting out something that resembled Waluigi's mustache.

Just then the doorbell rang.

…

…

…

Huh? Your expecting a BRRRRINNNG sound?

Fine.

_**BRRRRINNNG!**_

Mario ran over to the door, leaving a flash of red behind him as he ran.

Mario opened the door to reveal a small boy, wearing protective white armor.

"Who the bloody hell are you?" greeted Mario.

"I'm Bomberman!" said the boy.

"We don't accept your kind!" sniffed Mario.

Luigi called in from the other room, "It's okay Mario! He called when you were asleep! Sorry you didn't know!"

Mario sighed, "What are we, a hotel?"

Mario stood aside to allow Bomberman to carry his things in.

"Wanna see something cool?" asked Bomberman to Mario.

Mario shrugged, and leaned back on the wall.

Bomberman pulled a bomb out of his pocket, and threw it in the middle of the room.

_**EXPLO**_Yoshi!_**SION!**_

The bomb, like all other bombs exploded in the middle of the room, leaving a small hole in the ground.

"What was the yoshi sound for?" asked Mario.

Bomberman shrugged, "It's been doing that lately..."

Out of nowhere, a dry bones poked his head out from the hole. He saw Mario, and pointed at him dramatically.

"You... killed me..." said the dry bones slowly, "You'll... hear from... my lawyer..."

Mario kicked it's head straight off. He pointed at Bomberman sternly.

"Your fixing the hole in the ground."

Bomberman growled.

– – – – –

Over at a strangle, yet well-enriched castle...

Yes, folks, this is Wario's castle. He built it using all the money he earned from the gold digging the other day.

"Wahahahaha!" laughed Wario, "Yes narrator, praise me more! I love those words!"

Just then a baby yoshi ran into the throne room.

"MASTER WARIO!" called the baby yoshi, "I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU!"

Wario growled, "Oh COME ON! I was enjoying a nice moment here!"

The baby yoshi handed Wario Waluigi's cap.

"I believe him to be dead, Master Wario." said the baby yoshi sadly.

Wario gaped, "Wa-w-what? How c-c-could this happen... poor Waluigi."

A single tear dripped out of Wario's eye.

Wario reached for a Darth Vader helmet that was conveniently placed on a table near his throne, and placed it on his head.

Wario screamed out, "!"

Little did he know that these stories are not consistent, and that he will find Waluigi alive and healthy the next day!

– – – – –

Poor Waluigi. Poor Luigi. Poor Snake. Poor Bomberman. Poor you for reading this random piece of work? Read and review? Thanks.


	4. My Life Was Disrupted By A Talk Show!

At first... silence.

And then Mario and Luigi popped in out of no where. They were in a vast area with a plain white background.

Luigi was immediately frightened, "M-m-m-mario, where are we?"

Why, your here to begin a series of Live Mario Talk Shows!

"Narrator! Please get me out of this hell hole!" screeched Luigi.

I'm afraid I cannot do that. For you see, you are needed.

"For what?" asked Luigi, infuriated, "Why is it just me and Mario? Why aren't Bomberman, Pinkie Pie, or Solid Snake here as well?"

"Luigi my brother," chuckled Mario, "Calm down. Your taking this just a bit too seriously."

Luigi's pupils were tiny, "Seriously? THIS IS SUCH BULL-"

_**ERROR!**_

_**ERROR!**_

_**ERROR!**_

After the errors ended, Mario and Luigi reappeared, but with Luigi taped up and tied up to a pole.

"Sorry for that inconvenience," chuckled Mario, "We're ready for the real talk show now."

Luigi screamed for Mario to untie him, but was ignored. Poor green plumber.

"Anyway, I am here to bring up the many gags and in-jokes the first three episodes had to offer." said Mario, "So think of this as a break from the hell you have to sit through."

Mario pointed below him, "Just below this line of text, will be a bunch of gags that we'll get into, and bring in more input that the narrator doesn't want you to know. Enjoy."

– – – – –

_**Luigi Being The Only One To Acknowledge The Narrator**_

_**Solid Snake Living In The Fridge**_

_**Inconsistent Deaths**_

_**Pinkie Pie Living In Mario's Cap**_

_**God-Like Baby Yoshis**_

– – – – –

"First," said Mario, "Let's talk about the first gag; Luigi being able to acknowledge the narrator. As you seen earlier, Luigi was talking to the narrator. While I CAN hear the narrator, I don't speak to him. That's Luigi's job. Here's the scene from Episode 1 that began the gag."

– – –

_Luigi is the green plumber, and eh, he gets second fiddle._

_"Hey!" yelled Luigi, looking at the ceiling, "I heard that!"_

_If you haven't noticed, that is Luigi, the green plumber. He's cranky right now, so let's leave him be._

_"You know I can hear you right?" muttered Luigi._

– – –

"Luigi isn't too fond of the narrator, is he?" chuckled Mario, "But I can assure you well, that the narrator loves Luigi just as much."

"You see," continued Mario, "Both me and Luigi have different gags. Luigi being able to to talk with the narrator, and me being able to break the fourth wall."

Mario walked up to a series of walls, went up to the fourth one, and smashed it with his hammer.

"But, unfortunately, not THAT fourth wall," joked Mario, "Maybe we'll go into that gag in another show."

Mario walked away from the walls, still in the white void of nothingness.

"By the way, it's boring with just me," noted Mario, "So to make things more interesting, we're gonna untie Luigi."

Mario extended his arm over to Luigi, and untapped him and untied him. Mario then brought Luigi over to where he was by the neck.

"Listen little brother," said Mario in a peeved voice, "Your gonna be a good little boy, and remain kind to the narrator. We'll back home after the show."

Luigi sighed, still ticked, "Fine."

Mario smiled brightly, "Brilliant! Let's move onto the next gag; Solid Snake living in the refrigerator. Boy does this drive Luigi bonkers."

"Indeed it does," growled Luigi, "Here's a clip from the third episode."

– – –

_When Luigi opened the fridge door, Solid Snake poked his head out._

_"Wassup?" greeted Snake._

_Luigi gasped like a little girl, and slammed the fridge door shut, flattening Snake's neck, but not decapitating him._

_Snake glared at Luigi, "You made a powerful enemy today my friend." Snake's head somehow slipped back into the fridge._

_Luigi nervously opened the fridge door again, but Snake didn't poke his head out again. To be honest, Snake wasn't even IN the refrigerator anymore._

– – –

"Yes..." said Luigi, "I'm not sure what sparked this gag, but it fits for some reason."

Mario nodded, "Indeed it does, Luigi."

Silence.

"How DID we get Snake in the first place?" asked Luigi.

"Well, it goes like this:" said Mario.

While they talked, I decided to mute their speak, since, well, it's not very pretty. The way Solid Snake came to live with Mario and Luigi is a tale that no one should know about. Thank you for listening to me instead.

Mario's voice returned, "And that's how Solid Snake moved in!"

Luigi muttered, "That explains why I always have to keep buying groceries from time to time..."

Mario chuckled, "Anyway, in a few minutes, we're gonna have another guest with us. But let's move onto the next gag; deaths in the fanfic."

Luigi covered his face with his hands.

"Yeah, I know Luigi," comforted Mario, "It hurts. You see, deaths in this story, as stated in episode 3, are just inconsistent and don't follow the plot. It's just to keep people reading!"

Luigi pulled out a remote control, "Here are some of the death scenes from the previous 3 episodes."

– – –

_"This is Snake... I'm done here." said the 'snake'. Luigi growled. He pulled out a rocket launcher, and started firing rockets one by one without warning._

_"**I DON'T REMEMBER PROGRAMING THAT THING TO DO THAT!**" screeched Luigi._

– – –

– – –

_Luigi gave Mario his drink, "Here you go! Fresh and ready to drink!"_

_Mario had his eyes closed as he poured the 'scotch' into his mouth. He gagged almost immediately._

_"WTFBBQOMG!" shrieked Mario. He looked into the cup, and saw old used pieces of scotch tape._

_Mario glared at Luigi, "You are a dead man Luigi. A dead man."_

_Luigi giggled nervously as Mario picked up a phone._

– – –

– – –

_Waluigi looked up at the object above his head._

_"Ooooh, Jesus Chr-" was all he had time to say._

_The object turned out to be a 50-megaton boulder that was set up by Pinkie Pie to catch food. But it was originally meant for wildlife and all, not humans._

_Red liquid splattered all over the windows. Luigi cringed at the sight of his rival being crushed. Mario took no notice._

– – –

Mario was a bit freaked out, "Yeeeeah. As you can see, some deaths are very gruesome. And it'll just get as gruesome. Why? Because we love you guys, and I'm sure you love death scenes! Especially the gory ones."

Luigi whispered into Mario's ear, "Psst. Mario, aren't you gonna bring in the guest?"

Mario nodded, "Ah! Yes. We forgot to bring out this shows special guest. Please give it up for _**WALUIGI!**_"

An unseen audience was heard cheering as Waluigi danced into the room.

"Wahaahha!" smiled Waluigi, soaking in the cheering, "Nice to see LIGHT again!"

"Indeedly so," said Mario, uninterested, "So Waluigi, how was the afterlife?"

Waluigi placed his hand on his pointy chin, "Well, I didn't go to heaven like I expected. Hell, I was MURDERED. Why did I go to hell?"

Luigi grimaced, "Oh boy, do I have a list."

Luigi pulled out a list from his pocket, and the list rolled out a long distance. The list was so long, that it even reached the edge of the universe. Weird huh? Well viewers, don't be surprised.

Waluigi gaped at the list, "I hate you Luigi."

"Yeeeeeah," sighed Mario, "Anyway, each episode has a death. Thank you Waluigi for sharing your experience. Now time to move onto the next gag."

Luigi waved his arms, "Hey! What about me? How about the time I was made into a cup-"

"We'll get into that story never," interrupted Mario, "Before I go get Pinkie Pie, here's the next gag; Pinkie Pie living in my cap."

– – – – –

"_Ooh! Ooh! Watch this guys!" giggled Pinkie Pie. She then pulled out a remote control out from under Mario's cap. Mario looked up at her._

"_Just what are you putting in my cap?" he asked._

_Pinkie Pie lifted Mario's cap off his head, showing a mini-laboratory._

_Mario's expression tensed, "If I die a horrible death because of you, your joining me in hell."_

_Pinkie Pie smiled brightly, "Okie-dokie!"_

– – – – –

"Pinkie Pie's adorable, I know," smiled Mario, "As you know, I am a certified brony and proud of it."

"I'm in shock that she even LIVES in your hat," muttered Luigi, "That said, everyone lives inside of something in our house, 'cept Bomberman."

Mario shook his head, "Oh no, Bomberman lives inside our cabinets now."

Luigi's eyes went into a pupilless anime styled face.

Mario shrugged, "Hey, we only have 2 beds and no couches."

"My bed IS a couch." muttered Luigi.

Mario ignored him, "You see, Pinkie Pie might be trying to kill me. I mean, she killed Luigi once, who's not to say I'm next?"

Waluigi shrugged, "I never had her cupcakes. I'm just glad I was never one."

"You made fine ribs though," smiled Luigi, rubbing his stomach and licking his lips.

"That's just disturbing to the viewers, Luigi," muttered Mario, "This fanfic is already rated M, don't make it rated XXX."

Luigi whispered into Mario's ear.

"Oh yes," said Mario, remembering something, "We have the last gag to get to! Our last gag; Godlike Baby Yoshis!"

– – – – –

_4 baby Yoshis appeared out of nowhere, and lined up in front of Wario._

"_Yes Master Wario?" they said in unison._

"_Take these treasure chests back home. I'll pay you nothing." smiled Wario._

_Waluigi struggled to pull each chest from the ground up. He was very surprised to see that when he placed a chest on a Yoshi's back, it didn't flinch nor struggle._

"_But... their babies!" stuttered Waluigi, "How can they take that much weight?"_

"_Pah!" snorted Wario, "I've seen them carry the Sears Tower before, it's no big surprise."_

– – – – –

"I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS!" screeched Waluigi.

"I really don't know much about this," noted Mario, "Waluigi, care to explain?"

"Maybe when you get Wario on the show he can explain it," replied Waluigi, rubbing his head, "My head is full of mind$%#$ right now."

Luigi pulled an axe out of his pocket, and decapitated Waluigi in one clean swing. Waluigi's head flew right into Mario's arms. Mario placed his hand inside of Waluigi's neck to mimic a hand puppet.

"Sorry guys, we are out of time," said Mario, mimicing Waluigi, "In the next episode, we will have a new episode, and none of this talk show crap!"

Both Mario and Luigi waved goodbye.

– – – – –

Thank you for reading this. I really need to finish Heroes vs. Villains, work on Redemption Island, and come up with a new romance drama.


	5. My Insurance Agent Was My Bodyguard!

Ahhh, episode 5 of Afternoons with Mario and Luigi... Enjoy!

– – – – –

Mario and Luigi were, like every other chapter, sipping tea and watching television. Is this all they do? Well considering the adventures they go on, I have to disagree.

"Say Luigi," said Mario, "Has my agent called yet?"

Luigi looked at Mario, "Not that I can recall from. Why?"

"Because I'm expecting a visitor for me to take care of." replied Mario.

Luigi's eyes turned into an anime shock face, "ANOTHER FREAKING ROOMMATE?"

Mario patted Luigi on the head, "Calm down brother. You have to respect our friends. I'm sure this guy will just be as nice. He's going to be some sort of bodyguard."

Luigi growled.

Pinkie Pie poked her head out from under Mario's cap, "We're going to have an awesome party, Luigi! It's going to be the BEST NIGHT EVER!"

Luigi shrugged, "Well, I do like parties. But NO cupcake-making, my little pony."

Pinkie Pie put on a pouty face, and returned under Mario's cap.

"If we're going to have a party," said Mario, "We need to restock the refrigerator. Solid Snake ate everything left in it last night for his dinner."

"Really?" replied Luigi, shocked, "He really does eat a whole lot, huh?"

Mario nodded, "You go over to the store with Bomberman. I'll stay here and wait for the visitor."

Luigi groaned, and walked over to the cabinet. When he opened the cabinet, he saw Bomberman with a pot on his head, wielding a soup flask like a sword.

"Take this! Take that!" shouted Bomberman. When he saw Luigi, he screeched.

"Eep!" screeched Bomberman, "Luigi! What a surprise!"

Luigi sighed, "I'll pretend like I never saw that. Now let's go to the store to get things for a party."

Bomberman crawled out of the cabinet, and sulked behind Luigi. Luigi stopped at the refrigerator.

"Want anything Snake?" Luigi asked the refrigerator.

Snake's head slipped out of the refrigerator.

"No." replied Snake, and he slipped his head back into the refrigerator.

Luigi sweat dropped.

– – – – –

Luigi and Bomberman made their way over to the store Harding's. Why is there an American store in the Mushroom Kingdom? Hell, why is BOMBERMAN in the Mario universe? Ask yourself THAT question.

But enough of them for right now, let's focus on these two goombas off to the side of Harding's. One goomba had a yellow cap, and the other had a purple cap.

"Hee hee hee!" laughed the yellow capped goomba, "I told you turning into goombas was a great idea!"

The purple capped goomba was worried, "I don't know W-"

A truck drove past them, drowning out the words the goomba was saying.

"I just hope I don't die again." finished the goomba.

"We just got to past through the security, acting like goombas!" smirked the other goomba.

"Like that's possible," muttered the purple capped goomba, "I mean, Mario's influenced half of the guards in the world. They kill goombas on sight nowadays, unless they are licensed!"

"You need a license to become a goomba-citizen?" asked the yellow-capped goomba.

"I don't care, or know. Let's go!" shouted the other goomba.

The two goombas snuck past the guards, jumped into boxes, hid under boxes. In simple translation, they pretended to be Solid Snake.

Within minutes, the two goombas were finally inside Harding's.

"Hooray!" cheered the yellow-capped goomba, "We've made it!"

"Now it's time to rob the who-" yelled the purple capped goomba.

Unfortunately, this was their last breath each. 2 figures dropped from the ceiling, and squashed them like bugs.

These two were the REAL Wario and Waluigi.

"Does this count as the death of the episode?" asked Waluigi.

Wario shook his head, "These are goombas, and will very likely never be seen again. So no."

Waluigi groaned.

– – – – –

Back with Luigi and Bomberman...

"Is it our turn narrator?" asked Luigi.

Yes, you may now enter the store.

"Finally!" smiled Luigi, as he and Bomberman made their way inside. By this time, Wario and Waluigi had split up, and weren't in the same area as Luigi.

"So what do we need?" asked Bomberman.

Luigi checked his list:

_- Cups_

_- Plates_

_- Juice_

_- Cake_

_- Pie_

_- Friendship_

_- Mario_

_- Luigi_

_- Bomberman_

_- Pinkie Pie_

_- Snake_

_- Kill Wario and Waluigi_

_- ?_

_- PROFIT!_

Everything was unchecked except Mario, Luigi, Bomberman, Pinkie Pie, and Snake. Those were already checked off by Mario. How I know it's Mario? Because I'm the narrator, and the ink is in red. Red is Mario's color.

"Wow," said Luigi, impressed, "I'm surprised Mario made a decent list. Usually they're confusing as hell."

"Let's go!" called Bomberman, who already began putting things in the cart. Luigi chased after him.

– – – – –

Back at Mario's house, Mario was playing cards with Pinkie Pie and Snake.

"Got any 5's, Snake?" asked Mario.

The refrigerator was unhooked from the wall, and moved over to the table. Snake never left the refrigerator for ANYTHING. Even to go to the bathroom.

"Go fish." replied Snake.

Before Pinkie Pie made her turn, there was a knock at the door.

Mario checked his watch, "Damn! The real estate people are here. I forgot they were coming over today! Snake! Pinkie Pie! Prepare for combat!"

Mario ran over to the closet, and grabbed a rifle. You know, from the 2014 video game _Mario's Shooting Range_? It was the first Mario game rated M.

"When I open that door," planned Mario, "Snake, I'm going to throw you at the agent. Pinkie Pie, I want you to cut him open, and make me a meal."

"Okie dokie lokie!" smiled Pinkie Pie.

Snake nodded, "Understood."

Mario stood at the edge of the door, "Ready?"

Both Pinkie Pie and Snake nodded.

Mario opened the door. The man standing outside was a tall, older male with long blue hair. His hands were in handcuffs.

"Are you Mario?" he greeted, "I am Reg-"

"Now!" yelled Mario.

Snake was thrown, inside the refrigerator, at the man. The refrigerator crushed his bones, and blood splattered everywhere.

Pinkie Pie ran over, collected the remains, and ran into the kitchen.

Mario picked up his ID.

_Regal Bryant, Bodyguard to Mario P. Mario_

Mario shrugged, "Oh well, he'll be alive next episode. I'll have the chance to talk to him then."

Mario walked into the kitchen to await Pinkie Pie's meal.

– – – – –

Luigi and Bomberman had collected the rest of the things on the list.

"All that's left is 'Kill Wario & Waluigi'." read Bomberman.

"Well," sighed Luigi, "We'll have to put that one off for right now. There has already been a kill in this episode."

"Epi- what?" asked Bomberman, confused.

Wait, how do you know Mario killed Regal?

Luigi smirked, "Because you just told me, Narrator..."

I hate you green plumber. I would crush you if Mario and his gang hadn't killed Regal.

Luigi stuck his tongue out at the narrator, "HA HA!"

Well, anyway, back to the story. I hope you two know your lines.

"I know mine from heart!" smiled Luigi, proudly. He looked over at Bomberman, who was confused.

"Who the fricking hell are you talking to?" asked Bomberman.

Luigi patted him on the head, "You've got a lot to learn about us, Bomberman... a LOT to learn..."

Luigi and Bomberman paid for the items, and left the store. Luigi, all the while, was telling Bomberman of his previous adventures.

– – – – –

But we have one more scene to deal with; Wario and Waluigi.

"WaAAHAHA!" laughed Wario, "I was waiting for this moment! With Regal dead, there will be no possible way we can lose now!"

Waluigi's pockets were stuffed with candy bars and Hot Wheels cars. Wario's pockets were stuffed with garlic, hot pockets, and a lot of other fatty stuff.

"What's with the Hot Wheels?" asked Wario.

Waluigi crouched on the ground, turned his back to Wario, and rubbed his finger on the ground.

"What's wrong with having a child-like side... Wario?" muttered Waluigi.

Wario jumped into his purple Wario Car, "C'mon skinny! We've got work to do! We need to feed the guests of honor! US!"

Waluigi joined Wario in the car, "WAHAHHAAHA! That's right! All this stealing is making me hungry. Let's go before the cops arrive!"

"Oh, like you haven't noticed?" said a voice.

Wario and Waluigi's faces dropped. They were being towed to a prison just down the block.

"Well Wario... what now?" asked Waluigi, annoyed.

Wario sighed, and pulled out his cell phone, "I'll call the baby yoshis. If they aren't available, I'm calling Mom."

Waluigi buried his face in his hands, "Ooooooh. I don't want to talk to Mom. We haven't spoken to her in 20 years!"

"Waluigi! Shut up!" shouted Wario, "Your making me sound old!"

"You ARE old." muttered Waluigi.

Wario tackled Waluigi out of the car, and they began wrestling. Unfortunately, they were wrestling near a cliff. They rolled straight off. However, despite being off the cliff, they weren't falling.

"Say Wario?" asked Waluigi, pausing the fight.

"Yeah?"

"Why aren't we falling?"

"Because the narrator hasn't officially stated that we've fallen."

But now I have. Wario and Waluigi began plummeting to their deaths.

Oh, I forgot. We've already had a death in this episode (Regal). So, no one dies. Hmm... how can we fix this situation before I'm given lawsuits...

Oh! I remember now!

_**POP!**_

Wario and Waluigi appeared in front of their house.

"What happened-" began Wario, but the narrator cut him off.

Episode's over. Shut up. Be quiet. Go inside. See you for the next episode.

And unknown force shoved Wario and Waluigi into their house.

– – – – –

Thank you for reading my story. There is still more randomness to come! Oh, remember the party Mario was hosting? Well, I hate to be saying this, but there will be a _plot_ very briefly in the fanfic.

Pinkie Pie: You mean my plot?

No no, not your delicious plot, Pinkie. Maybe later. I mean the STORY plot. R&R!


	6. My Friends Have A Brawl!

Do you love Subtle hints? Fun aren't they? Anyhoo, let's start the episode.

– – – – –

Inside the Mario Brothers' house, we come to see our wonderful-

"HAI! REEEEEEEEEGAAAAAAAAAL!" screeched a joyful pink pony named Pinkie Pie.

Pinkie Pie was bouncing around a tall blue-haired man named Regal. You remember him, right? That's right. He's the guy who was murdered last chapter.

"What is it now Pinkie Pie?" asked Regal, annoyed.

"Did you drink all the carrot juice in Snake's fridge?" asked Pinkie, "Because I know _**MARIO**_ wouldn't of done such a thing."

Regal raised an eyebrow, "And why would I be the one to drink such a gross fluid?"

Pinkie Pie shrugged, "I'm not sure. But hey, I already asked Snake and Bomberman, but they both said that they weren't guilty!"

Just then, Snake and Bomberman waltzed into the scene. Pinkie Pie immediately ignored Regal, and began bouncing around them.

"Snake? _**AND**_ Bomberman?" said Pinkie Pie, in some weird disbelief, "Wowwies! Now we're gonna rock the house!"

Pinkie did a air guitar expression. Snake said nothing. Oh, and just a side note, Snake's still inside the refrigerator.

"I just wanna say," said Bomberman, "I'm surprised that Regal died on the same episode he was introduced. We hardly knew the guy."

Regal chuckled, "Heh. I saw it coming a mile away, once I saw Mario prepare a cannon."

"That wasn't Mario, it was _**LUIGI**_ who did that!" laughed Pinkie Pie.

Regal shook his head, "No it wasn't, it was surely Mario. Not only him, but you and Snake also contributed in my death."

Slowly, Snake and his refrigerator made their way towards Regal. Snake lightly poked at Regal's handcuffs.

"Poke."

Regal jumped back two feet; anime-styled, "Stop ya fool!"

Out of nowhere, Regal preformed a kamehameha. Snake was shot back into the wall. However, he was not dead.

"Not the chapter kill, huh," noted Pinkie Pie, inspecting the damage, "I mean really, we _**ARE**_ hard to kill at times."

Silence for about ten minutes.

…

…

…

…

…

"Anyone up for ping pong?" asked Bomberman.

Everyone nodded, and got set up to play.

– – – – –

ROUND 1

Regal & Pinkie Pie VS Bomberman & Snake.

_Ready?_

_FIGHT!_

Regal did not go, "Wait a minute! I thought we were gonna play ping pong!"

"When I said ping pong," said Bomberman, "I meant 'We're gonna fight a bloody battle, so turn off your browser now'."

"C'mon Regal!" laughed Pinkie Pie, "We can't be _**ABSENT**_ from this fight! Break a leg!"

She ran off to start fighting Bomberman and Snake. For once in his life, Snake was out of his refrigerator. At this very moment, a part of Bowser's Castle imploded.

Regal sighed, "If I break a leg, I'll be useless." He looked at his shackles for a minute.

"Don't worry Alicia," said Regal quietly. He then joined the fray.

– – – – –

5 HOURS LATER...

"Damn," said Snake, "Now I know WHY I stay inside my refrigerator."

Snake crawled back inside the refrigerator, and hopped away.

If you might've noticed, Snake and Bomberman lost to Regal and Pinkie Pie. Regal was able to kick Bomberman off the edge, and into the lava. Regal also handled Snake with ease too.

"Go Team Regal Pie!" cheered Pinkie Pie.

Regal looked at her annoyed, "You hardly did anything. I wasted a lot of energy fighting back there."

"Well duh!" laughed Pinkie Pie, "Oh, and Bomberman? Next time, you need to stay _**IN**_ the ring. Not out!"

Bomberman growled, "Why do you think I was trying to get back in while trying to block Regal's kicks?"

Pinkie Pie shrugged cutely, "I don't know... probably because of _**THIS**_!"

Pinkie Pie pulled out a TV and DVD player from out of nowhere, and turned it on. It showed a playback of Regal kicking Bomberman over and over and over again.

Both Bomberman and Regal were getting annoyed.

"She is so happy-go-lucky." said Regal.

Bomberman nodded, "I know..."

As Bomberman and Regal plotted for Pinkie Pie to be the chapter kill this episode, Snake poked his head out of the refrigerator.

"Say Pinkie Pie," he said, "We need to let the viewers read something else."

Pinkie Pie's head looked up, "OH YEAH! I FORGOT ABOUT THE _**EPISODE**_!11"

She jumped all around the camera before finally standing in front of it.

"How about a change of scenery viewers?" asked Pinkie Pie, suddenly spinning the camera, along with the cameraman, around and around and around.

The camera man was soon gone.

"Whew! That was sure fun to watch right?" asked Pinkie Pie.

Regal walked over to Snake, who happened to be sitting next to Pinkie Pie, and pushed him over on top of her, crushing the party pony.

"Finally... some silence." smiled Regal, as he walked back inside Mario's house. Bomberman also entered Mario's house, following Regal. Snake stayed where he was.

"Uh... any help?" asked Snake. He opened the fridge door to see a tiny tulip growing from the ground in front of him. His eyes widened.

Snake looked around, "Uh, it's kinda dangerous around here! Help! I could die any minute!"

– – – – –

Suddenly the camera and cameraman from before landed in front of Wario's mansion.

"I feel dizzy..." said the cameraman.

Shut up, Mr. Cameraman. You DO want a paycheck right?"

So anyway, let's take a look inside Wario's mansion.

"Wahahahahah!" laughed Wario, "Now we shall begin our next evil deed! Wahaahaha!"

Waluigi snuffed his hand inside his nose, messing around in there, and then Waluigi pulled out a microwave from inside.

"What a cheap microwave..." noted Waluigi, "I shall call her...Celeste."

Wario growled at Waluigi, "Come on Waluigi, have enthusiasm! Louder!"

Waluigi sighed, "Celeste!"

"Louder!"

"Celeste!"

Wario breathed deeply, "LOUDEEEEEERRRRRR!"

Waluigi also breathed in deeply...

…

…

…

…

"Whatever." With that said, Waluigi threw the microwave onto a table fifty feet away from where he was. It landed perfectly and without damage.

Waluigi twiddled his mustache, "Naturally."

"So are we gonna put this thing into good use or what?" asked Wario.

Waluigi nodded, "Indeed we are."

Waluigi walked over to the microwave, and started pulling things out of it. Thing being thrown out include a yoshi, a goomba, a koopa, a spy, a bob-omb, a dispenser, a parasprite, a Zelos Wilder, and last but not least, Mario's cap.

"Wahahaha!" laughed Waluigi, "Looks like today we are microwaving this famous hat!"

Waluigi pointed to the famous red hat.

"But wait!" said Wario, joining Waluigi, "There's more!"

Wario slammed a bob-omb onto Waluigi's free hand.

"You are also gonna microwave this bob-omb, absolutely free!" laughed Wario.

Waluigi walked over to the microwave and mocked Wario's last words. He violently threw the items into the microwave.

…

…

…

Were you expecting an explosion? You know... when a bomb is thrown... it blows up?

…

…

…

…

.

Wario joined Waluigi at the microwave.

"Here at the Wario Microwave Laboratory, safety is our number one concern. That's why we- Ah forget the line," sighed Wario, turning on the microwave.

"WARIO! WHAT ARE YO-" screeched Waluigi.

Wario grabbed Waluigi by the waist (with one hand), and carried him away from the microwave. The bomb exploded into a million pieces taking out the microwave with it.

"Poor Celeste." sighed Waluigi, "We were hoping for the fans to ship us together. I need a shipping so badly... it hurts my thinner mind."

Wario slapped Waluigi on the back, "Get over it brother, let's get going to bed. It's been SUCH a long day."

Both Wario and Waluigi walked away.

– – – – –

And that concludes another episode.

So you may be wondering 'Is it a good idea to write a random Mario story?'? Yes.

**Good Idea.**

By the way, there is only ONE death in this episode. Not two, not three, just one. :)


	7. My New Roommate Kidnapped Me!

If you remember the previous episode, I put out a hidden message. Or rather, Pinkie Pie left a message. Who cares, it's my show. Well, the message was...

**MARIO AND LUIGI ARE ABSENT IN THIS EPISODE**

Indeed they were, because...

– – – – –

Yet a freaking-gain, we're here at Mari-

"_**GET YOUR FREAKING ASS UP HERE NARRATOR**_!" screeched Mario offscreen.

Oh yeah, that's right. Mario and Luigi were kidnapped last episode. Wait. You didn't know that? You do now.

Mario and Luigi were both tied up to a pole... with silly string. They were somewhere in outer space.

"You'd think this would be easy to break, huh." muttered Luigi, trying to chew through it.

Indeed it was, and our heroes were about to receive yet ANOTHER room mate. But, how do I know that? Because I am God. I'm just glad Luigi didn't hear me.

Soon, both Mario and Luigi heard a voice coming from the other room.

"Well, here comes our deaths." said Mario.

Luigi looked at Mario, "So what does the narrator have in plan?"

Mario looked at Luigi weirdly.

"You know... the heroes ALWAYS escape!" screeched Luigi.

Mario never realized that before, "Oh yeah! You have a point! If only we knew how..."

Just then, a tall figure entered the room.

"Mario P. Mario," said the figure, "Luigi P. Mario."

Luigi sniffed and squeaked, "Mommy!"

The figure pressed a button on his body, and Mario was dropped from his restrainment.

"Hmm?"

Another button was pressed, and Luigi fell onto the ground.

"Your letting us go?" asked Mario.

Luigi ran over to the figure, crying loudly, "Oh thank you so very much! I will do any-"

He saw what the figure looked like. He resembled a weird lizard creature wearing armor.

"DAHHHHH!" screamed Luigi. He hid himself under his cap... somehow. Don't ask.

Mario walked over to where Luigi was.

"What do you want anyway?" asked Mario.

The figure picked up Luigi's cap, and stared at it briefly. The cap was violently shuddering in his grasp.

"My name is Garrus Vakarian," said the figure, "And I wish to live with you guys."

Both Mario and for some reason Luigi's cap put on o_o faces.

Luigi pulled himself out of his cap, red in the face.

"**ANOTHER FREAKING ROOM MATE? WHAT THE HELL?**" screamed Luigi, "**WE ALREADY HAVE FOUR LAZY-ASS PEOPLE WHO DO NOTHING!**"

"I understand," noted Garrus, "But if you let me live with you, I'll let you have access to special things."

Garrus reached into his mouth, and pulled out about 15 different styles of futuristic weapons.

Mario's mouth watered, while Luigi was still fuming. His cap was catching fire, but Luigi didn't care.

"And you kidnap us... **JUST TO TELL US THAT**?" screamed Luigi again.

Holy crap is Luigi mad! 0_0

I think I'll have to tone him down a bit.

Suddenly, Luigi's mouth disappeared. He panicked, and touched his mouthless jaw. He couldn't scream, talk, or eat. Sucks to be him.

Mario turned to Garrus, "Take my money! Shut up and take it ALL!"

He handed him about 8999 coins.

"Interesting amount," noted Garrus, "Almost OVER 9000! but it'll do for now. You've earned these weapons Mario. Use them well."

Mario nodded, and started pocketing many of them.

– – – – –

In about... oh... probably 50 minutes, Mario, Luigi, and Garrus were driving home to Mario's house. Luigi still had no mouth. Poor him.

Luigi tried to make noise, but to no avail. Mario chuckled.

"That's what you get for screwing around with the director!" laughed Mario. Luigi threw a anvil at him. The anvil bounced off him.

Garrus was pondering something. He had a thought bubble above his head.

"Whatcha thinking?" asked Mario, looking at Garrus, while successfully driving through a lot of sharp turns. Sure he knocked several innocent civilians off a cliff but... THAT'LL teach them to not drive next to Mario!

Garrus grabbed Mario by the neck in an instant after the word 'thinking'. Even with his neck under the pressure of Garrus' rough hand, Mario still somehow drove well.

"DO NOT, and I repeat... DO NOT," shouted Garrus, "Interrupt me while I do calibrations. NEVER!"

Lightning struck down somewhere. Thunder was heard in the distance.

Mario's eyes shrunk a bit in fear, and nodded quickly. Luigi silently guffawed in the back seat.

– – – – –

Meanwhile,

Did you hear thunder and lightning?

No?

Well go back about 5 lines, and read that line. Yep.

Anyway, did you think that was just a background effect to make the awesome Garrus Vakarian more awesome?

Course not. What kind of author would I be if I didn't explain what it struck.

Anyway, the house that it struck was Wario and Waluigi's house. Clearly, the damage was severe, as the house was on fire. Wario was going insane, and Waluigi was actually calm. Weird.

"WAHTWHTIAEGREAGGRGHAAAA!" babbled Wario, running around in circles.

Waluigi was retrieving water to clean up the mess.

"Okay boys... back it up." ordered Waluigi, making hand motions.

8 baby yoshis were carrying a large barrel of water. They followed Waluigi from Lake Nintendo all the way to their house. Took about 2 minutes. Waluigi was still amazed at how the babies suffered no fatigue.

"Annnnnd, POUR!" yelled Waluigi.

The baby yoshis pushed the barrel over, and started pouring the water onto the large flames. As expected by Waluigi, it was enough to take out the flames.

But why stop there?

One of the baby yoshis looked at the one next to him, "Aren't we late for nap time?"

The other baby looked at his watch, and nodded, "Hmm... oh yeah! It's time! C'mon guys."

Another baby yoshi spoke up, "Sorry Waluigi~! Nap time is more important to us then work time!"

The baby yoshis started leaving one by one. Eventually Waluigi was left alone with a screaming, crying, and in-fetal-position Wario.

However, Waluigi wasn't realizing this, and cackled away at his awesomeness, "Waahahahahaha! I did it! I finally saved th-"

Actually, replace _awesomeness _with _carelessness_. The baby yoshis accidentally left the barrel turned on its edge. The barrel tipped over towards Waluigi.

Waluigi looked up, and shrieked, "DAH!"

He ran away from the barrel shadow.

Waluigi sighed of relief, "Whew!"

…

…

…

…

The barrel somehow changed directions and turned towards Waluigi again, and gave no time for him to run. The barrel fell on top of Waluigi, possibly crushing his bones.

But hey, he saved the day! That's what matters right?

Oh, and Wario? He's still in a fetal position, hugging his garlic plushie a bit too much.

"I want my money!" cried Wario.

– – – – –

Mario, Luigi, and Garrus arrive at the Mario Brothers house.

"Say hello to our 50th room mate..." started Mario, with a drum roll in the background. However, the drum roll died down when Mario turned to Garrus, "What was your name again?"

Both Luigi and Garrus fell to the ground anime-style.

Garrus got up annoyed, "Garrus Vakarian. Honestly didn't I tell you several lines ago?"

"Probably." replied Mario not giving a crap. Just then, Pinkie Pie bounced into the room.

"MARIO!" cheered Pinkie Pie.

"WAIFU!" smiled Mario brightly.

Pinkie Pie smiled back at him, and continued bouncing up and down. She bounced past Regal, and blew a raspberry at him. Literally. Regal wiped the raspberry off his face, and sighed.

Garrus scratched his head, "Uh... waifu? You mean wife?"

Mario nodded like a boss.

"But... it's a pony," replied Garrus, "Isn't that creepy?"

Mario turned to look at Garrus; his eyes a spinning vortex of pink and purple.

"_**NO IT'S NOT...**_" said Mario in a deep-toned and creepy voice.

Garrus shook his head, and thought to himself, "Must be the red sand getting to me."

He decided to go find a bedroom, and left Mario and Luigi alone in the living room.

Luigi turned to Mario and started shaking him wildly.

"No Luigi," replied Mario, "I don't have any snickers bars."

Luigi jumped up and down angrily, pointing at the narrator.

Mario shook his head, "I don't think God drops snickers bars from the sky anymore."

Luigi's face turned red, and he was shaking Mario even more.

"Fine," sighed Mario walking away.

Luigi looked back with hope.

"If you want Red Velvet Cake, then be my guest." smiled Mario.

Luigi fell on the ground and starting throwing a silent temper tantrum.

– – – – –

Mario walked into the kitchen to start making the cake.

"You know..." said Mario to himself, "Would go better with a song to tie in with my baking."

Soon, Mario broke into song.

_All you have to do is take a cup of chocolate and add it to the mix_

_Now just take a little something sour not sweet_

_A lot of zest, just a bunch_

_Baking this treat for Luigi is just such a pain_

_I wish I were making cake for Pinkimena Diane Pie_

Just then Snake poked his head out the refrigerator.

Mario stopped singing, "Need something Snake?"

Snake poked at Mario's stomach. This made Mario jump into the air. You know why right?

He had a what?:

_**A)** A stroke_

_**B)** An expensive haircut_

_**C)** Guns in his overalls_

C is the right answer of course. DUUUUUUUUH!

Snake accidentally held the trigger on one of the guns while he poked Mario like a creeper.

The gunshot made Mario jump into the air, and make a hole in his overalls.

"JESUS CHRIST SNAKE!" shouted Mario, "Why does your daily habits include poking people?"

Snake slyly reentered his refrigerator.

"You better get back in there." threatened Mario. He sighed as he continued baking the cake.

– – – – –

Back at the Wario Brothers house...

Waluigi struggled to get out from under the water barrel.

"Ugh... eh... eeeeeeeeee... ah!" strained Waluigi until finally...

….

….

….

….

He pulled himself out of the barrel.

Waluigi jumped into the air, "TAKE THAT DEATH! WOOOOOOOO!"

He quickly looked at his watch.

"Hmm, took me about 14 hours to do this," noted Waluigi, "But who cares? I am unsto-"

The gunshot from before was coincidentally pointed towards Waluigi, and it shot him through the chin up to the brain. Waluigi coughed, then fell over dead.

– – – – –

Couple hours or maybe even days later...

Waluigi was sitting on a cloud chair, presumably in heaven. He wasn't wearing his trademark purple cap or overalls. Instead, he sported a cleaner hairstyle, and a bathrobe.

He also was holding a yellow pegasus pony with long pink hair. She was snuggling into his chest. At the same time, Waluigi was combing her hair. Instead of paying attention to the adorable pony in his arms, he looked at the camera for the whole scene.

"I am Waluigi V. Wario," stated Waluigi, "And I approve of WaluigixFluttershy."

– – – – –

Another crazy episode. Enjoy? No? Get out. :D Please? I will pay you nothing. But I enjoy your company and reviews at the same time! :D


	8. My Brother Violates A Copyright Law!

It's been a while since the last episode. Well, here's another one for you!

– – – – –

"Calibrations... Calibrations... hmmm.." said Garrus to himself, humming some Mass Effect tune that I, as Narrator, cannot say.

Why you ask? Well let's find out shall we?

Mario was sipping some coffee, yes you heard me. It had some mushrooms and fire flowers in it. It tasted like chicken.

"Ahh," sighed Mario, taking a sip of coffee, "What a lovely day huh, Garrus?"

Garrus wasn't paying attention. He continued to say 'Calibrations' over and over again. Mario continued to talk, as if Garrus had responded to his question.

"I know right?" chuckled Mario, "It IS quite a lovely day for skipping rocks by the pond."

Just then, Luigi walked in. He was in a good mood, for once in his pathetic life.

"Hey!" shouted Luigi at the ceiling, "Not today, old man!"

Mario chuckled again, "Taken your meds yet?"

Luigi glared at him with these freaky red eyes, "No. Don't even go there." His eye color turned back to normal, "But I have great news! I just uploaded my first video up to Youtube!"

Mario clapped, "That's great, Luigi! What did you upload, exactly?"

Luigi reached up into the air, and pulled down an overhead screen. He reached into his overalls pocket, and pulled out a projector. He took off his cap, and underneath it was a very old cassette tape.

"Watch for yourself, bro." replied Luigi, turning on the projector.

On the TV screen, there was Luigi tap dancing to some Crash Bandicoot theme. Just then, everything Luigi pulled out of his clothes... just disappeared.

Luigi's eyes glowed red again, "NARRATOR!"

Oh, that wasn't me. Why would you even accuse me of doing such an adorable thing?

Just then the doorbell rang. Usually, in the Mario Bros home, this usually meant a rush to the door to see who would get to open it. In a flash, Bomberman and Pinkie Pie crashed into the front door.

"IGOTITIGOTITIGOTIT!" yelled Pinkie Pie.

"NOMENOMENOME!" yelled Bomberman.

Garrus turned around from his position, and walked over to the door.

"I'm sure Mario wants me to open the door," he said, "You little girls can sit right here and watch My Little Pony."

Garrus walked over to Mario, and took off his cap. Luckily for him, Mario was asleep, since Luigi's short-lived video quickly bored him.

Garrus pressed his finger against the 'M' on Mario's cap, and all of a sudden, it shot out a projector light. Garrus pointed it at a wall, and it started playing a My Little Pony episode.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have Calibrations to att-" said Garrus, but he was interrupted by the sound of the door coming off its hinges.

Three fat guys entered Mario's home. This is the point in life where Mario wakes up.

"WTF ARE YOU DOING!" screeched Mario.

"We are SOPA, PIPA, and ACTA," said all three fat guys at the same time, "We have come to arrest the perpetrator."

Luigi was hiding inside his own cap, shaking like a leaf... literally.

"What do you mean?" asked Mario.

"We are aliens who arrived on Earth to eliminate any infringing copyrighted data," said SOPA, "Your brother, Luigi, uploaded a video on Youtube of him dancing to some copyrighted music. He must be imprisoned for 5 years."

Garrus raised an eyebrow, "Don't you think that's a bit harsh?"

PIPA walked over to Garrus, and got really, really close to his face, "Why? Have you done something similar?"

Garrus sweatdropped, "Uh... no. In fact, why don't you arrest all of us, we are, after all, copyrighted material."

ACTA rolled his eyes, "No can do. Luigi can only use music from his own series. Instead, he used Crash Bandicoot's music."

"Do you think Crash minds?" asked Garrus.

SOPA, PIPA, and ACTA looked at eachother... thinking up an excuse.

"Uh," said SOPA, "That doesn't matter! He must still go to jail!"

"Yeah, we don't care what others think! Copyrighted material is still copyrighted material." replied ACTA.

Garrus pulled out his sniper rifle, "Just try and stop us!"

He took a shot at PIPA, but PIPA jumped out of the way, and the shot hit Pinkie Pie instead. She was obliterated into nothingness.

"Dammit!" swore Garrus.

Mario got up from his chair, "Time to take out the annoying trash..."

– – –

_SELECT YOUR PARTY!_

**Mario (Must be in Party)**

_Luigi_** (Being a Coward)**

_Snake_** (Creeping in Fridge)**

_Pinkie Pie_** (Dead)**

_Bomberman_** (Watching My Little Pony)**

_Regal_** (Not in this Episode)**

**Garrus (Only Selectable Party Member)**

Mouse moves over Garrus, and clicks on him.

_SELECTION CONFIRMED?_

_**YES!**_

– – –

Mario pulled out an axe, "Let's go get us some political blood on our hands..."

Mario ran over to PIPA to give it a nice whooping, however SOPA held out his leg so that Mario tripped over it. Mario was dealt 75% of damage.

"Ouch!" cringed Mario. Garrus ran over to where he was.

"You okay, boss?" asked Garrus, "You know, you could feel better if you put your goddamn cap back on!"

Mario nodded, "Oh yeah. I forgot about that."

Mario ran over to where Bomberman was. He was completely absorbed into the My Little Pony show showing on Mario's cap's projector light.

"Sorry Bomberman, but this is for the world." noted Mario, about to grab his cap.

Just then, SOPA fell belly first onto the cap. The projector light was crushed, and the screen disappeared. When SOPA got back up, Mario's cap was completely destroyed. Bits and pieces of machinery were scattered everywhere.

Mario was shocked, "So I was right. Pinkie Pie was turning me into a robot."

But enough of Mario and his damned cap, Bomberman was pissed off. As he should be. I mean, would you be pissed if SOPA destroyed your work?

SOPA looked proud, "Illegal content has been completely destroyed. Now to terminate Luigi."

Luigi (still inside the cap) started to bounce away from the action. Too bad for him, though, as ACTA caught him in time.

"Ah ah ah," said ACTA, "You can't go anywhere now. You're off to jail! Just like those two other plumbers we arrested."

– – – – –

Meanwhile...

"Dammit Wario!" yelled a lanky purple figure, "Why did you have to upload the video of me tap dancing to G3 My Little Pony onto Youtube! Now we're off to jail!"

Wario growled at him, "I didn't know these fat bastards were planning to arrest every single Internet user in the world! Now come on! Let's get out of here!"

Both Wario and Waluigi were in chains, and at the back of the vehicle the three fat guys used to drive to Mario's house. The vehicle was shaped like a garbage truck... how appropriate.

"Best thing for us to do," planned Wario, "Is to create a hole big enough to fit me through. Then we can get back home."

"And the chains?" asked Waluigi.

Wario wasn't listening, he was instead looking around the truck. He had to find something useful. We'll find out later what these bozos discover.

– – – – –

Luigi's cap was struggling to get out of ACTA's grasp. Luigi's full body came out from under the cap.

"Hey! Why are you doing this?" asked Luigi, "This was ONCE legal!"

"Not anymore!" laughed SOPA, "We're trying to eliminate piracy, and protect copyrighted material from getting into the wrong hands. Money is everything in this world!"

Garrus was dumbstruck, "Then go deal with the pirates. Why come to us?"

Garrus picked up Mario, who now looked chibi-like, "Wook at this whittle guy. Do you really want him to go to prison for doing something so innocent?"

They weren't listening to a single thing Garrus said. They were simply laughing at him. But, their laughing gave Garrus an open shot at PIPA.

"Bye bye." he said, simply, shooting his rifle at PIPA, killing him at point blank range. Like Pinkie Pie, he was obliterated into nothingness.

Both SOPA and ACTA were awestruck. SOPA blubbered, "B-b-b-but the chapter kill already happened! How did PIPA die?"

Garrus smirked, "Good question. Maybe because you won't be making another appearance ever again?"

Garrus shot his rifle again, this time at SOPA. He was also obliterated into nothingness.

ACTA, still holding Luigi, smirked, "I won't die so easily. Shoot all you want. I was given immunity from my lord and savior."

"And just who might that be?" asked Garrus.

"The Son of Smith, Lamar Smith," smirked ACTA, "He's out to make the world a better place. He chose us three to do his bidding. You might've killed both PIPA and SOPA, but you will NEVER kill me."

ACTA dropped Luigi on the ground, and started to randomly float in the air, "I'll return someday. You guys are too stubborn to listen to reason."

With that said, ACTA was gone. Mario, Garrus, and Bomberman ran over to Luigi.

"You okay bro?" asked Mario. Luigi coughed.

"Yeah..." groaned Luigi, "I'm never doing that again. I need to lay down."

Just then, Regal walked into view. He was wearing a green bathrobe.

"Something going on in-" started Regal.

"_**REGAL! GET OUT OF THIS EPISODE!**_" shrieked Mario.

Mario's loud voice, along with strong winds, pushed Regal back into the bedroom. It also randomly locked the door.

– – – – –

Back with Wario and Waluigi...

Wario was still searching for an object to cut through the back of the truck. Waluigi was snoozing in the background, muttering something about 'pink manes'. Soon, Wario found something metallic like.

"Waluigi!" called Wario, "I've got something!"

Waluigi woke up from his slumber, "You found Fluttershy?"

Wario sweatdropped, "Nnnno. But I found this little Metal Fire Flower."

Waluigi was confused, "The hell's a Metal Fire Flower?"

"Let's find out!" replied Wario. He took a big bite out of the fire flower. Wario soon turned into Metal Wario. His massive strength now was enough to break through the chains that confined him. He clanked over to Waluigi, and broke through his own chains.

Wario then clanked over to the back of the garbage truck, and was about to punch through the back of it...

…..When I got permission to teleport them back to their own house, since the episode has to end in about 7 lines.

All of a sudden, Wario's fist didn't hit the back of the truck, but instead his own house.

"What!" yelled Wario, after making the punch. Within seconds, Wario's house crumbled to the ground.

"Nice going Wario," grumbled Waluigi, smacking his head, "Now we're homeless."

Wario sighed, and whistled for his baby yoshis to come. Sooner then expected, they arrived.

"We have come to serve you Master Wario!" smiled a baby yoshi, "What is your will?"

Wario pointed to his house, "Build me a new house, or fix up this one. I will pay you nothing but disrespect back."

The baby yoshis saluted Wario, and went to work on the house. This would be a long day for the Wario brothers.

– – – – –

Originally, a scene with Mario telling you to stop the ACTA bill was intended for the episode, but was cut to make room for Wario and Waluigi instead. Still, I recommend you call your congressmen, and tell them to not support ACTA. As with SOPA and PIPA, this bill will hurt the Internet.


End file.
